BOUNTIFUL BUTTOCKS

It was reported recently that Georgia is the fattest state in the Union. I’m here to tell you that some of our women could crush a sub-compact. There are times when you see a buttocks of such granditude you’d think you’re at the zoo. That cannot possibly be a human butt. ‘Get out of the way, Woman… you’re blocking the sunset’.

Now let me tell you why we are not interested in the fat asses. (Well, some guys are, so go for it. You’ve got them all to yourself. Be happy.)

Your testicles not only make you taller, more muscular, more horny, more smelly and generally smarter than most females, but they also shape your brain and implant your sexual desire in your lower brain centers.

The reason you like the nudes in men’s magazines is because you are neuron-wired (electrical wiring, like all computers) to search for ‘nubile’ women to donate your DNA to. Not too young. Not too old. Not too fat. Not too skinny. Healthy skin and full lips. Smooth loins and inviting hind quarters that can make your arms and legs fall off right there on the sidewalk. Your eyes are a search engine for your primal needs.

YOU CAN HAVE YOUR SUNSETS,

YOUR SEASCAPES, YOUR MOUNTAIN VISTAS

BUT  I’D TRADE IT ALL FOR

ONE SWEET LOOK AT A ROUND,

BOUNTIFUL BUTTOCKS.

You can’t help this. You instinctively want to fertilize a healthy, nubile woman to  give your offspring the best possible survival chances. (This natural behavior is what I have termed, ‘Species Imperative’.) You can suppress your instinctive desire to inseminate every bountiful buttocks you see and to a large extent we all do, but you cannot eliminate it entirely. (Mr. Bo Dangles thinks individual liberty applies to him. Well, it DOESN’T; I’m the bitchin’ boss here! Get it, Mr. Bo Dangles?)

BRAVE WORDS FOR MR.BO DANGLES,

BUT YOU HAVE NO MORE CONTROL OVER

YOUR SEXUAL DESIRE THAN YOU DO FOR

YOUR WHITE BLOOD CELL COUNT OR YOUR

EYES TEARING OVER ON A COLD AND WINDY

KENTUCKY MORNING.

It doesn’t matter how often you go to church, how much you read the Good Book or even how much you adore your wife…and most of us do adore our wives (78% by my research)…you cannot help getting a testicle jolt at the sight of breasts served up in front of you, full and luscious like honey melons on a plate.

The female breast is just one of God’s most wondrous creations. And you are encoded to admire God’s handicraft. You are just doing what God intended. And just think how pissed He’d be if you ignored His artwork.

Think about how inconsiderate that is…and dumb.

            You really want to insult God by ignoring

            His artwork? His masterpiece? Why do you

            think some guys get hit by lightning bolts?

             You have to learn to think, son.

            And all females know this and use it to their advantage. (Push-up bras anybody?). They don’t understand it but they understand how to use it. That goes for a lot of female behavior. But they got what we want so don’t whine. It’s all part of God’s grand design as much as the Grand Canyon or the Rocky Mountains or the wet T-shirt contest this coming Saturday night…“Free Beer For Contestants”. (Standing room only.)

Is that all men think about?

Who was that stupid broad who wrote about trying to explain men to us? That had to be the Hite of stupidity. Although it seems like it some times, men do not have a sexual thought every 5 seconds as that so-called sexpert claimed. (It’s a lot closer to 6 seconds! Ha!) How on earth would she know that? And why is she thinking about Mr. Bo Dangles anyway? Deep down there’s some serious penis envy being played out in the feminist movement.

In America, there is a cultural tug of war going on which has one side tugging at women to behave like men.

Some women take the bait but fortunately for us a lot don’t.

Unfortunately, the Hefty Lefties (limousine liberals who wallow in guilt like hogs in slop) support mannish females and pillory natural women and femininity in general. You see it in some movies where female characters are shown fighting WAY above their pay grade.

BOY IN CONVERSATION WITH GOD:

“WHY DID YOU MAKE MY GIRLFRIEND SO BEAUTIFUL?”

“SO YOU WOULD LOVE HER.”

“BUT WHY DID YOU MAKE HER SO DUMB?”

“SO SHE WOULD LOVE YOU.”

You also see it on TV sitcoms where the girlies are cracking jokes right along with the boys.

You know damn well that girls in real life

            have the joke telling ability of a dead cat.

Girls just sit there and giggle at our jokes; we don’t sit there and giggle at theirs. Females were never court jesters; they just bent

over whenever the Emperor felt a cialis moment inspire him.

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