RELATIONSHIP ADVICE?

Ask The Kindly Relationship Pundit, Mr. Wilburs

Hey, Mr. Wilburs,

How are they hangin’ big Buddy? Well, have I got a problem for you.

It goes this way. You see girls just flock to me. They’re always givin’ me the eye or whatever…you know, starin’ at my crotch, whatever.

Now this is ok with me but it makes my girlfriend jealous you see.

Now then most guys are little ‘pocket rockets’ compared to me. I ain’t braggin’ or nothin’ but mine could blast off to the moon. The Good Lord took good care of me in that department. Ha, ha. Get it?

Ok so here’s my prob. How do I get the girls to stop lookin’ at my crotch.

Zee the Zebra

Hello there, ‘Zee’,

Let me begin by asking just when was it that you first noticed your brains start to fall out of your ass.

First of all, stop dreamin’…excuse me, I meant dreaming. You got more brass than brains, you jackass narcissist.

Secondly, girls don’t ogle men’s crotches, idiot.

Thirdly. I’ve got a plan for you. Come to the Institute where we’ll measure your rocket and if it’s over 4 inches we will amputate the extra length…tip first. That should quiet you down for awhile. My God, where do we get ‘pricks’ like you? I highly doubt your bamboo is much over 4 inches so there won’t be much work to do.