The kindly Mr. Wilburs

The kindly Mr. Wilburs

Dear Mr. Wilburs,

I don’t want to brag or nothin’ but I don’t have no problem with gettin’ all the ‘comfort’ (as you call it…kinda cute.) I could ever want. Maybe it’s just that I’m way smarter than the other dudes who live here in east LA…it wouldn’t be that hard since the average is IQ 22…you understandin’ what the hell I’m sayin’ to you?

Here’s my secret. I go real late to the bars and try to make it just before last call. There’s a lot of ugly girls hangin’ around who didn’t get snagged. Well, yours truly buys ‘em a drink, mixes in a little sweet talk and the next thing you know I’m on the fast train to paradise.

You see, all these guys of IQ22 run like rats to the hot girls and that leaves me with all the girls who are way more grateful than the chiseled ones who are already gone and makin’ out in some guy’s car.

Now then, I’m not sayin’ that this brilliant play is air tight. If I’m a little late, the prettiest of the dregs will already be snatched up which leaves you with a night ahead of you of burpin’ the bishop. While that’s not the end of the world, it doesn’t compare to a warm squeeze you were lookin’ forward to.

The problem with the ‘hotties’ is they act like they’re doin’ you a favor and not the other way around as God originally planned it out. The uglies, on the other hand are as grateful as hell and are more inclined to adventure…if you get my meanin’.

And not only that but once you’ve serviced an ugly a few times, she seems to come out of her cocoon and becomes a beautiful butterfly…the transformation is a miracle. I don’t know why the guys don’t get more credit for this.

Take me for example, I have personally created many butterflies that show up at the same bar and now get treated as hotties. Makes me laugh. But, they never forget me. Tell me I’m not a great American.

Bud the stud,

LA

Hey Bud,

I’ve got to hand it to you, you sure have life all figured out. Too bad you’re such a f…..n’ idiot.

Number one, you never, NEVER, refer to members of our opposite gender as ugly. That is a term that automatically brands you as a ditch dweller of the lowest kind.

Number two, apparently no one has told that a girl takes time to flower into full womanhood. And once she’s flowered there is no more wondrous creature in the universe. Your little contribution was but one piece of a complex mosaic that makes up the complete picture of our awesome opposites.

Number three, your cockmanship arrogance is grating and irritating as hell. Remember that this site is turning out real men and real men don’t boast. Stop your braggadocio. It is your duty to service women and help them grow. And THAT is part of what goes into making a great American.

Tom Wiburs