Now it was completely dark and I could barely see the sidewalk in front of me. I came across a building but it was too dark to read the sign above the windows. Well, this was going to have to be my five star accommodations for the evening. Unfortunately, the building was locked so I tried a back door and the Good Lord smiled down on me. It was open and I let myself in. There had to be some bench or something that I could lie down on. Man, I was so tired. Finally, in the complete dark, I found a hard surface to lie down on. It was no time to be choosey and I fell asleep almost immediately.
I woke to sounds of a telephone ringing. I looked around. There was a man standing over me. He was aiming a camera at me and grinning like the village idiot. Another man, this one in a uniform, came over to stand beside the photographer. I rubbed my eyes and looked up.
“Like some coffee, kid?”
“What? Uh, yeah sure. Thanks.”
“Yuh know, I’ve been tendin’ this here place for goin’ on pertinere thirty years and this is the first time I’ve had someone break in instead of breakin’ out.” The photographer laughed like a demented hyena.
What was so funny? I looked around. There were a lot of bars…on the windows, the doors, the walls.
I took a sip. The bitter coffee gave me the jolt I needed. I had broken into the local hoosegow and had fallen asleep in the single jail cell. Well, to make a long story short I sort of became a celebrity. Picture in the paper, front page mind you. An article with the headline, “Young scientist goes to jail! All by himself!”
Free breakfast. Real people. Beautiful scenery.
But no chicks. No kicks.
Slip out the back, Jack. Gotta be gone, John.
Self-absorbed male? No. Absorbed completely by my work? Yes.
Message to feminists: Do what scientists do. Don’t say anything before you know what the hell you’re talking about. This is the best way to avoid looking goofy.