A recorded telephone call accidently recorded by the FBI (and then leaked to the Post and Bugle) between sulfuric feminist, a somewhat weepy, Sandra Fluke, and one of her fiery feminist friends.
“Behind every great man there’s a great women.”
…you know, Maggie, that’s an old saying that is handed down to us from the patriarchal pages of antiquity. Just how stupid were our parents, grandparents and great this and great that ancestors? Anyway, that’s what Tom said to me…can you believe it???…I don’t know whether I love him or hate him…anyway, here’s what I’m thinking…
We all know that we live in a much better world where you’re on your own ‘Charlie’. The new woman grabs as much as she can and to hell with the testicle totin’ dude . What the hell is she supposed to do anyway? Support him in his career…she’s got one of her own, thank you very much, but now the she/s have got ‘the gift that keeps on giving’…and just what is that?…no, not pussy…
…Affirmative Action!!!!! HA! HA! HA!
Perhaps some olde soothsayer said it first. Or perhaps it comes to us from the teachings of the church.
You see, if we were not so arrogant as to think the whole world started with us and that we know better than all past generations then maybe, just maybe, we might listen to the cock-eyed wisdom handed down to us…our most valuable birthright…as the rich distillate of human bullshit over the ages.
But no, the LEFT WING in our western democracy is so modest about our richly deserved self-importance that we rightly believe that all our ideas are superior to any of the notables in our history that espoused thoughts that are in conflict with our progressive theories of today.
“SUCH ARROGANCE!” yell the right wing cone heads.
“SUCH HIMALAYAN EGOS…
…righties love to look down on the rest of us because it justifies their sense of superiority. It is only from the mountain tops that rlefties can look down on the little ants of humanity and feel so far above us,” screams Fox news, Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin and the rest of the primitives on the Nazi right…what????…you’re trying to tell me that Hitler was a socialist?
And of course, we are accused of being the irritating little pricks that have their irritating little affectations, like calling ourselves
…is that enough to piss off the right to the power of 10 or what? Shouldn’t we be called ……………………………….progressives? We’re supposed to be such little people with petty little jealousies and envies, never expressed more succinctly than Eva Perone’s statement…
“I don’t love the poor. I hate the rich.”
Now isn’t that lovely…just lovely.
But right now I just hate Tom…he’s such a right winger…but why does he have to be so gorgeous?
The joke is that the Righties, like Tom, the supposed love of my life who hasn’t called me in a week, are not progressives but are
Supposedly our America has drifted backwards with these Himalayans in charge with their trying to forge their idea of an uncaring society out of the saintly cloth of human beings. And they are trying to convince us that nowhere is their effort more damaging than in the way we now treat our males…both young and old…but mostly the young…I do treat Tom well…when he listens carefully to feminist theories…but does he ever call???? NO!!!!
Why is that so hard to understand for the Bible quoters out there?
Little boys have to be re-made into civilized little beings not the hell raisers they can be without correction. That’s right, young boys need to be CORRECTED. Too much masculinity is growing in them…like Tom with hair on his chest, oooooooh, gimmee.
Never forget that little boys will become
some day…soon. Now just how undamnfortunate is that?
They have to be told to be more like girls…and to their credit, TV stations are listening and showing many more androgenous male characters in their sit-com presentations. It’s so refreshing not to have to watch ‘Gunsmoke’ or ‘Rawhide’ or ‘Magnum PI’…all Homer Simpsons of their day…of course Tom loves those old shows where the ‘men are men…and the women are willing’…(there are times when I could strangle Tom) I try to get him to watch ‘Everybody loves Raymond’ and ‘How I met your mother’…ideal shows for turning over-masculinized young men into androgelles….God, why did I have to fall for a Homer Simpson?!
Anyway, the age of the cowboy is behind us…all the sisters know that…thank whatever deity you say your hosannas to that masculinity is going the way of the Dodo birds on the right…’right’ as in right off the sanity charts.
Boys should be punished if they refuse to play with dolls. All you have to do is suspend a six year old from school if he won’t play hop-scotch or skip-rope…or refuses to get a boy-crush on Justin Bieber.
That’s right, PUNISHMENT is the ONLY answer in the noble and critically important conversion of little boys into girls…or goyls (as native New Yorkers have been saying for years). It’s the only way we can escape from the ravages of the male Patriarchy that America’s founders foisted on us.
Just look at what the old, lilly-white PATRIARCHY has done to America:
Robbed the native population of all its land…all the way out to the Pacific coast.
Wrote our inane constitution which any thinking Progressive will tell you is racist, woman-hating, male biased, gun and small government promoting and a way out-of-date document.
Made the document itself almost impossible to correct…which is a tragedy in itself because it is sick, restrictive and needs to catch up with the times.
But the biggest change which all Progressives are thankful for is that we have stopped those bastard men from treating us like sexual objects…how disgusting…how anti human…how misogynistic the old fashioned sexualistic attitude of men…what is it that is so disgusting?…that they want to use their peckers on us every hour of every day in every orifice that we have?…well, we hate their disdamngusting penises. Don’t men know that their little shrivelled appliances are frighteningly ugly…that they should be sliced off?…that they should give us a little peace?…why doesn’t Tom at least call…I’ve left a dozen messages for him…please tell me he isn’t bedding that little blonde Cheer-Leading Major at UCLA.
And the women that do like penises…like Tom’s beautiful one…should be immediately cast out of the sisterhood like the lepers in the old Jerusalem.
(phone rings in the background)
Please God let it be Tom, please, please, please…if not I will die.